u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
