need another drink. this is the easiest way
id be glad to
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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