And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
