It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
