Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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