I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
