I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
