Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
