Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
