I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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