YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
