So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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