He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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