i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
