Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
