I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
