the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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