do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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