Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
