Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
