Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
