Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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