How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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