Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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