Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
