i think my tv is drunk
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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