Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
