Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
