If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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