I'm gonna have a badass scar
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
