Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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