Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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