We won't sleep together?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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