yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
