I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
