Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
