I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
