you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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