so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
