How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize