I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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