oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
