someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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