Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
