Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My ATM looks so different sober.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
