what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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