Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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