i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
