...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
