So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
