my sisters under your porch take her home
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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