I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
