Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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