Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's shark week go big or go home
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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