Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
