I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
