Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
