I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
