I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
