So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The air taste purple.
Randomize
