But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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