What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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