I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
