Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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