Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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