Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
